What is the cause of our emotions? Is the brain at fault for all the negative feelings? When we blame the brain for our emotions, we end up doing things that do not serve us. Let’s talk about what to do instead. 

 

 

Far too often we blame the brain for how we feel. You see, for way too long we were told that the reason why we have negative emotions is because our brain is at fault. In other words, we were told that there are “errors” in our thinking and that the brain sends us false signals.

 

 

We are told, the brain creates problems when there are none.

 

 

And so when we believe this to be true, we try to talk ourselves out of what we are feeling and do a lot of work to change our thoughts about what we feel. When you feel bad, it isn’t your mind or your mindset that’s at fault. Let’s correct this misconception!

 

 

No amount of thought-work can address the real reason behind emotions.

 

 

This is how we end up stuck in them. We were told that emotions come from thoughts, but that is not true at all. By blaming our thoughts, we blame the brain. When we blame the wrong things, we misidentify the problem. And when that happens, our solution is likely to be wrong too. So when we blame the brain, we think we need to change our brain. That doesn’t work.

 

 

Emotions are signals for needs.

 

 

Today we discuss what the actual role of emotions is and what to do to resolve them. In this episode, I introduce you to the Needs-Based Emotional Regulation Process, which I describe in detail in my book. This process focuses on emotions as signals for needs. When we understand and meet our needs, the negative emotion resolves. This is one of many conversations we will have about emotional regulation, so stay tuned for next episodes.

 

 

Emotional regulation is key to peaceful parenting.

 

 

As a parent, you are not only dealing with your own emotions, but also the emotions of your child. That can be a lot to handle! When we are well regulated emotionally and have our needs met, we will show up differently in all challenging interactions, which — let’s be honest — parenting is full of!

 

 

Have a listen and let me know if you have questions. There are two anticipated questions that I am voicing in today’s conversation, but I am most certain that you have more. So do let me know! You can reach out here, or send me a direct message (DM) on Twitter and Instagram.

 

 

“Don’t Blame The Brain” is the book I am referring to and it is a must read if you truly want to feel in control of your emotional life. It is now available on Amazon in three formats: hardcover, paperback, and ebook. Get your copy! 

 

 

 

Additional episodes relevant to this topic:

 

• Nurturing Your Child’s Emotions (TPP 010)
• Nurturing Your Own Emotions (TPP 013)
• Parents Have Feelings Too – Emotional Regulation For Adults (TPP 015)

 

If you enjoyed this conversation, it would mean the world to me if you’d leave a rating and review on iTunes. That’s the best way to support this podcast and help other parents find it too.