As parents we are always short on time. It is natural to worry whether making time for children and holding space for them will eat up our precious time. So is there a way to have more time while we spend time? The answer to that is good boundaries.

Doesn’t it often feel like we just don’t have the time? Especially when it comes to dealing with the meltdowns or tantrums… Power struggles can make us feel resistant to giving children even more of our attention. 

I get it.

It is natural to worry whether making time for children and holding space for them will eat up our precious time. And that is too bad, because the opposite is actually true.

When we invest a bit of time upfront, we get our time back. 

Is there a way to have more time while we spend time? Yes. The answer to that is a well-regulated child. 

When children are well-regulated, we spend less time regulating them.

And less time spent on tantrums and arguments, means more time for ourselves. So how do we do that? To help children be more balanced and well-adjusted, we show them that they matter and are important to us. We do that by giving them our time and attention. There is one problem though…

Lack of time boundaries may hold us back from making time.

We may be hesitant to engage with the child and struggle holding that space for them, because we worry that it may take too much time. We may feel uncomfortable wrapping up and moving on, and that can prevent us from truly engaging with children in a meaningful way.

In this episode, we talk about how to set comfortable time limits around your attention and how to transition out of holding space in the following ways:

• Indirect Transitions
• Direct Closures
• The Postpone Move

I also offer you some phrases and words you can use to get you going. Because sometimes it is all about knowing what to say, isn’t it? Here are some examples of what you might say. Tune in to this Episode to hear how I suggest using these boundary-setting words.

• You are sharing something important. I want to hear the rest of it at a later time. How about I find you when (fill in the blank).
• Looks like you are really excited about this and want to talk more. When I am done with (fill in the blank) I will find you. 
• I would love to talk to you all day about this, and the few minutes I had just now do not seem enough. I get it. So let’s make sure we find more time. 
• What you shared with me is really hard and I am here to support you. Let’s pause for now, I need to think about what you said, and we will talk again. Do you need a hug? I love you. 
• I know this does not look like enough time and you don’t want us to stop now. I get it. That’s all the time I have at the moment. I will find you again when I have a minute. 
• This is all the time we have right now. I know we are not done. Let’s talk more. How about at such-and-such time?

Everything depends on how this message is delivered. What is your Parenting Presence? What are your non-verbal signals? Is there a sense of ease and confidence about you, and is there a sense of trust that your relationship will prevail and be unaffected by this transition? Or is there anxiety or guilt associated with the thought that you are not doing enough for your child? That has a lot to do with how the message will be received…