As parents, we want to encourage our children. It’s the right thing to do, especially when we know that they can do better. It is hard not to encourage them. Right? We want them to do well. In fact, we want them do their best. But will they?

 

So how do we encourage children? It is not as simple as saying kind words and staying optimistic. Those moments when we see a difference between where our child is currently at and where they can be are full of opportunity. But we must have the right frame of mind. 

 

We want children to do well.

We know they can and have the potential.

 

But whether they will do their best depends on how we approach these situations. Sometimes we just want to tell them they are not there yet! But how? How do we encourage them in a way that is actually helpful?

 

We may think we are encouraging children when we point out to them the wins of others. Or maybe we think a good role model — someone to look up to — with serve as a good motivator for what is possible. But these things often backfire.

 

No one wants a discouraging encouragement.

 

Sometimes in our eagerness we fall short. Sometimes we miss the key ingredients in order to be helpful. Even when we come at it with the best of intentions, what really matters is how it is received.

 

And whether it will be received well depends on a number of factors, like:

 

• what we already know about our children
• how willing we are to observe their behavior even closer than we previously have
• how able we are to step aside and let the child lead the process of change

 

And some other good things, like wearing the right set of glasses.

 

Glasses?

Yup.

Glasses.

 

You see, wanting our children do better and believing they can, means seeing a vision of them they currently cannot see. It’s a vision filter only parents have, I think : )  Oftentimes we see this vision and get inspired. But then we take those glasses off to deal with our “real” child, the way they currently are. And this is actually a problem.

 

In order to be encouraging, we must keep the right vision in mind throughout the process.

 

Otherwise, we will not be able to help the child see what we see. We may even forget ourselves, what it is we want our children to reach for. I unpack this topic and share more thoughts on today’s podcast episode. Join me and see if you were looking at your child with the right set of glasses.

 

 

 

Additional episodes relevant to this topic:

 

• One Must-Read Book On Emotional Regulation You Cannot Miss (TPP 066)
• The Negative Impact of Comparison On The Child’s Self-Esteem (TPP 042)
• How to Boost Your Child’s Self-Esteem, FREE Guide (TPP 023)

 

If you enjoyed this conversation, it would mean the world to me if you’d leave a rating and review on iTunes. That’s the best way to support this podcast and help other parents find it too.

 

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