Expectations and limits can send out kids into resistance and tantrums… Is there a way to avoid that frustration? Explore with me the 3 Keys to managing expectations and reaching compliance faster.

Before we set new expectations for children, we have to check with with ourselves. How is the child doing with expectations we already have for them? Because if they are not and setting expectations is a challenge, it is not likely that they will oblige this time either.

How well your child is following expectations and limits you set for them, depends on three important keys: 

• How reasonable these limits are
• The quality of our relationship with the child
• How routine and consistent are these limits

If the child is not following expectations we already set for them, the likelihood that they will comply with even more expectations — is miniscule. So before we set new limits, we need to troubleshoot our previous efforts by focusing on these three keys: Reason, Relationship, and Routine.

You might be wondering… If consistency, routines, and rules are so important, why do our children constantly challenge them? 

Actually, children do not challenge the limits themselves (unless these limits are developmentally not appropriate), but the way they are set. If there is a tension and a conflict surrounding the limit, the child will be less agreeable to follow through.

And what can help us get to the other side and reach compliance? The answer is: relationship, reasonable limits, and expectations that are part of a routine (i.e., consistent).