Have you ever felt paralyzed by what you should do as a parent for fear of being judged? Or maybe unsure of how to feel about something that already happened?

What creates this kind of feeling? The feeling like you are on the hook for something. The parenting paralysis is the feeling of guilt that won’t let you off the hook, the hook of expectations.

How often do you feel that you “should” have done this or “could” have done that? It’s endless, especially if you consider yourself a responsible person who wants to do well by the children. If you are a parent, the feeling of guilt is all too familiar to you. It is so deeply rooted, it almost feels unavoidable, and we kind of learn to live with it. 

Guilt in parenting is a trap.

It is also the primary reason for lack of confidence. And when we lack confidence, we make our parenting work that much harder. In today’s episode I invite you to explore the bigger context of this emotion and better understand the internal conflict that guilt creates. It is a tension between two actions or thoughts that feel equally important and equally valid.

Since it is unclear where the expectation is coming from, it can be hard to pinpoint if we feel guilt because we did something, we think we did something, or we failed to do something. It really comes from unresolved and superimposed priorities and we talk about how to resolve it.

The answer is in knowing your Values and setting Boundaries.

Understanding where parent guilt may have originated can help us have a more supportive perspective towards ourselves. Instead of feeling guilt and be paralyzed by everything that worries us as parents, we can become more compassionate towards our experience. This frees us up to carry with intention our newly understood responsibilities of nurturing the childhood.

Here are some takeaways from the episode:

• Accept that parenting is a process. The way we parent in the 21st century is new to humanity and we keep evolving. 

• We know the importance of the right care for the child, but sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to know it all. 

• It is OK not to be the expert. Live your own experience with the goal of honing your own parenting skills.

• Reconnect with your own values. Feel the depth of those things that really matter. Focus on those to move yourself closer to fulfilling your mission.

• Know your job. Your job is to nurture your child — learn as much about your child’s nature and nurture that.

• The way you do that will be different from the way others do that. Every child/parent/family is different.

• No one is perfect, we all make mistakes. Sometimes we need those mistakes so that we see a better way. Be patient and compassionate with yourself.

• When you do need help, decide who participates in the conversation and let other voices not to matter.