Is self-regulation really that important? Not only is it important, it is the skill of the Future. When we worry whether our children will do well in the future, our attention can go to things like what they know, what they can do, or how smart they are. But all of these things do not matter without self-regulation.

 

Let’s talk about self-regulation… Isn’t it nice when children can control themselves! Then we don’t have to deal with their strong emotions, disorganized actions, and dysregulated behavior. Sigh… But obviously, we both know, this isn’t about us. The child’s ability to self-regulate is there — first and foremost — for their own benefit. 

 

Self-regulation as one of the core skills our children will need for the future. 

 

The other two core skills are Resilience and Resourcefulness, which we will explore in the next episodes. No matter what the future brings, no matter what our children choose to do with their lives, they will need self-regulation. Regardless of what life throws their way, they will manage just fine, if they have the skill of self-regulation. 

 

Think about it… 

What can you really do, if you cannot manage yourself? 

Hardly anything.

 

In order to be able to engage in productive action, we must be able to regulate ourselves. That means being in charge of our emotions, our thoughts, and our behaviors. 

 

The same applies to our children.

They need the same skills. 

 

Adjusting expectations in order to help with self-regulation:

 

The way we help our children grow is through modeling and opportunities to learn. But in order for children to have a safe space to learn, we must adjust our expectations. Self-regulation is not innate. It is a complex developmental skill and takes time. It also depends on self-awareness, which is also bound to the stages of child development.

 

To make it more likely that things go our way, it helps to know who we are, what we need, and how to go about it. Not an easy task for a child. In fact, it is a lifelong process, and so it helps if we are there by their side, helping and guiding. That also means that we must have our own self-awareness and be able to self-regulate our own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Tune in to hear more!

 

Also mentioned in this episode:

 

• Nurturing Your Child’s Emotions (How-To)
• How To Affirm & Validate Your Child (Free Guide)

 

 

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